My social media platforms are always full of the subtle moments in my life that remind me of the people and the places that make me feel alive. Not all of those moments are smile worthy, laughable, or even all that picturesque. It's such a blessing to know that God designed relationship not only to provide company for the days full of rainbows and butterflies, but even the ones that are full of tears, stress, and anxiety. Cole Billingsley, regardless of the agenda or the attitude of my day, he’s the rock that keeps me steady. I felt like I needed to post this today because, like I said, this is a platform for me to showcase the moments of my life that make me feel alive, and, well, we're learning daily that the not so pretty days can be just as exhilarating as the ones we so easily find ourselves highlighting. So, confession: I cried all the way to the airport today about petty things that are totally meaningless, and like a trooper, he just listened. I tried my best (which is never that good) to figure out the source of my anxiety and communicate to him how I felt about this season of life we’re in. I was paralyzed with fear and I couldn’t understand or convey why. I put my head in my hands, I hugged my knees, and my tears managed to wipe all of the make up clear off of my face. I had all of these emotions filling my gut and I couldn’t explain them. I was so painfully aware of my existence in that moment — all I knew was that I want so bad to be the best wife to him that it physically hurts sometimes knowing that I’m only human and that I’ll fall short and fail him. He’s so beautiful and he’s so full of hope and grace and gratitude — I don’t deserve him. It was through my tears and the loud silence of the car ride that I realized that that was the beauty and the irony of the commitment of marriage we’re entering into. Marriage is a reflection of the Gospel. It’s loving the unlovable. It’s forgiving the unforgivable. Its understanding the incomprehensible. It’s second chances, and it’s never failing. Cole knew that my tears were deeper than words. He grabbed my hand, looked me in my mascara smeared eyes, told me that he loved me, and that there was nothing that I could do (or not do) that would ever change that. And that was Jesus. And that’s why I love him so much. And that’s why I know that in 18 days we’re stepping into an infinite moment that will always make me feel, you guessed it, alive.