I’m just going to start by saying that marriage is, quite literally, everything that I never expected it to be. Every expectation, every assumption, every preconceived idea of what my married life was supposed to look like has been challenged and, for a lack of a better explanation, totally obliterated. The first few months were supposed to be filled with coffee dates, hikes through the mountains, nights around the fire pit, candlelit dinners, no arguments, no tears, and a whole lot of sex. I mean, that sounds like a great marriage, right?
Well, in theory, heck yeah, it does. And maybe it’s just me, but the majority of things in that (vastly incomplete) list, have been neglected and have failed to make their debut in my marriage relationship. Okay, maybe not the last one… But, even that part of our marriage has been one that we’ve had to over communicate about and be totally mindful of what God has for us in that aspect of our life. And to be clear, this isn’t to say that Cole and I were lousy in dreaming big things for our marriage. We were extremely intentional about making sure that we were prepared spiritually, emotionally, mentally, physically, and financially for what was to come our way after the honeymoon was over. We knew that trial was inevitable and that a relationship within the confines of marriage was absolutely going to be attacked by Satan — after all, it’s the most beautiful picture of Christ’s love for the church, and if I were him, I would hate it, too. And I would also do everything within my power to crush the spirit of joy that should be unshakable in our relationship as a married couple. And while yes, the devil is relentless and he hits hard, these three months have been the most amazing and eye-opening months of our lives as we’ve grown closer to Jesus and each other, even through all of the uncertainty and unpredictability of marriage.
Most of you know that Cole and I have been living in an RV this off-season. It's funny, when people ask how we’re liking it, it’s always interesting to see their reactions when we respond with an overwhelming sense of love and adoration for our new, little lifestyle. Yes, it’s everything you’re probably thinking, and above all, definitely tiny. We’d love to have a bigger closet, and I, personally, am dreaming of the day that I can soak in a hot bathtub again. But we’re living a dream, and it’s been our greatest adventure yet. To no surprise, while it can be the source of several challenges, it’s also been our greatest teacher. When conflict arises, there’s nowhere to run and there’s certainly no where to hide. There’s no upstairs bedroom to storm up to in anger, and there’s no downstairs basement to shove all of our problems into. In the heat of those moments, we may feel like we weren’t cut out for this whole marriage thing, but being unable to escape the space has enabled us to learn to communicate more efficiently. We’ve learned to live small, and not so much in the square-footage way, but in the way that helps us identify whatever is essential, and give away whatever is left. Whenever you find yourself trying to fit all of your belongings in an RV, you’re really forced to pick and choose what's important and, well, the rest just has to go. There’s no room for “stuff.” And pro-tip here: We’ve found that when the time comes to pare down, “out of sight, out of mind” has never been more true. We don’t miss a thing!
Aside from the relational pro’s and con’s of tiny-living, it’s just been so incredibly practical. In our slavery — I mean, dedication —to minor league baseball, it’s so nice to know that we’re on wheels. For now, we’re in Alabama one six-month period and in Maryland the next. It’s a little bit more comforting to know that wherever we go, our tiny house can come, too. Which, by the way, is entirely unpredictable, considering the chances are high for getting called up within the organization, or called down (please, no), or even getting traded to a new one… we could be in Arizona tomorrow for all we know! So, in that regard, there’s a little bit of security in having at least one thing that is consistent in our ever-changing lifestyle.
Though great, like I said, these three months haven't been anything like I thought they would be. From the simple roles that we play, to the chores that we divvy up, all the way to the conflicting work schedules that we have, this marriage has completely thrown all of my expectations out of the window. And for that, I couldn’t. be. any. more. grateful. I think that it’s definitely been the Lord’s way of showing us that this beautiful gift of marriage is one that we don’t get to create and navigate on our own. And if (by “if” I mean “when”) we do, we’ll inevitably experience conflict and insecurity, because while God loves to see us enjoy this in-depth, super intimate design of a love relationship, He has a way of making sure that our eyes and our reliance is completely on Him. When we wake up and that isn’t our number one priority, those are the days that we’re quick to discover how hard it is to feed and grow a relationship in our own might. Through it all, Cole and I are learning, moment by moment, that without Him, we’re trading in something that’s totally good and totally unfailing for something that’s destined for uncertainty. At this point, we’ve been trying our best to be intentional and forward-moving. We don’t want to miss out on something that God has for our marriage because we’re so focused on something that carries little significance in the long-term, or holds us back from living out our God-given purpose in this life. We want to be dream-chasers and we want God to get all of the glory.
So that’s where we are. We’re tiny-living, marriage-amateurs, that are chasing God and big dreams. Cole’s headed to Spring Training in Florida in a month, and I’m headed to Maryland to find a good coffee shop. The rest is in God’s hands and outside of my expectations.
So while this post serves as an update on our life together, I want it to also be a source of encouragement, too. Maybe you aren’t employed by the Baltimore Orioles or newly married, but I’m sure many of you may find yourself in a place in life where you never thought you’d be. Maybe you thought your major would be more fulfilling. Maybe you thought that boy was going to be more of a spiritual leader than he is. Maybe you thought you’d get that promotion or that recognition in your job this month. Maybe you're facing something that's challenging your belief in God. Maybe, like me, your reality is nowhere close to meeting your expectations and you’re blaming yourself for not feeling adequate enough to reach those goals. Let me say this: you have every weapon you need at your disposal to not only accomplish what you’ve set your mind to, but to also defeat the lies of the enemy that are shoving discouragement and discontentment down your throat. Jesus is for you. Everything that is good comes from Him. But by that same token, everything that comes from God is good — even the trials and the tribulation. If God has placed you in a particular circumstance, know that it is for your benefit, your better understanding, and for your learning. God is never going to allow you to experience something that is damaging to your soul. He wants to lift us up and encourage us. So, everything that has the opposite effect on your life is a lie from the enemy. When you find yourself in a situation that seems challenging to your spirit, or your angry with God, or you don’t see what good can come from your situation, you have to get outside of the realm of your feelings. Feelings are indicators that lie and steer us away from God’s truth. You’re never going to find God in those places of anger or resentment, because He can’t deny Himself. So instead of focusing on how defeated you think you are, focus on the Truth of God’s Word that says you are a champion of whatever battle comes your way. Remind yourself of how good God is. How faithful He is. How compassionate He is. How trustworthy He is. How patient He is... He’s going to come through for you, because He always does. He has gone before you and He stands beside you.
One day, and maybe not today, or this month, or this year, but God’s going to give you the gift of perspective and you’ll be able to look back on this time of uncertainty as just a memory — another circumstance where the Lord turned your plan B (or C, or D) into plan A, and rendered Himself faithful and True once again.
Dear friend, God’s power will always exceed your expectations. Whether that’s completely obliterating them or completely exceeding them, His plan for your life and your future is matchless. I hope you’ll stand in confidence of that today.
All my best,
LA