Frightfully Certain

Does anyone else find discomfort in the fact that our lives are screened by indecision? Our inability to appreciate commitment because we find ourselves bathing in possibility. We’re showering ourselves with the thought What if something better comes along? What if this, and what if that? What if? It’s crippling.

Words slip out like, “I’m actually pretty busy tonight, maybe tomorrow” or “I kind of already made plans” or “I might be able to be there.” We say things like, “I kind of love you,” or “I don’t know if I really want to do this” or “I guess we can go to this place.” And for what reason? Why?

We say and assume everything like there’s always going to be another option. We question things like we already know the answers, but if we don’t, it’s okay because who reallycares? What’s more, it can’t even be taken personally anymore – most people just live their existence shading in all of the grey areas; no one really wants to immerse themselves in one passion, but instead, just dip their toes into as many things as possible. In most cases, that’s not always a bad thing. The thin ice that we tread on is found when it carries over into how we view and assess our relationships… We just want to entertain ourselves with whomever seems appealing at any given moment, but may not be enticing enough to awaken an urgency of commitment that may lead to sacrificial living. And that’s where I’ll put my foot down. You know what you want or you don’t. You don’t answer if you don’t have a definitive one. You shouldn’t. I do not want the words that you have for me if they are polluted with maybes and reservations.

This is where you need get over your pride and respect the other person’s emotions. You don’t beat around the bush or sugar coat what you know to be a fact. Just tell the truth – you either love me or you don’t, you either want to be in my presence or you don’t, you either want to follow me across the country or you don’t, you either know what you’re doing with your life or you don’t. With each choice you make, you’re supposed to learn something. I get that. But life is in no way supposed to be an amusement park where you get to hopscotch along a sidewalk and merely allow fickle ambition and volatile whims to serve as the foundation for your decision to take the hand and heart of a stranger. That’s how you end up chasing and encouraging pain and running in circles.

Do you love me? No? Good.

I don’t need people in my life who are not frightfully certain.

Nothing

I think it’s safe to come to the conclusion that the church is an incredible system designed by God, for God. With that, when did we start thinking that it was okay to start making it about personal preference? So many people in this world claim to be Jesus followers; they claim to “be about” the death, burial and resurrection of the Lord. As a result of that, we have about 2 billion representatives of what it may or may not mean to “follow” God. If you’re like me and you think too much about too much, then maybe you’ll agree with me on this. There are times that I wish we could all just get together and have one, mass, world-wide Christian meeting to just, you know, summarize everything up and establish an “okay, here’s what’s up” plan of exactly what the Christian life should and should not look like, universally. Instead, we have about 345,821 (that’s an exaggeration) concepts, suggestions, principles, steps and programs that are supposed to help us wrap our minds around what to do or how to act as Jesus followers, but let’s be real: they’re usually watered-down, cookie-cutter outlines of stuff that every Christian has heard 100 times. We approach this issue (and it is an issue) but then we find ourselves kind of avoiding it once we establish the question(s). We’re intimidated by it and as a result, we can over summarize it by saying, “Oh, it’s obviously about love.” Well. Okay. That’s great and it sounds pretty, but what does that mean? We have two very different but broad foundations to stand on here. Which is right? Are either of them?

Is it about not speeding? Is it about not drinking too much? Is it about not cussing? Do we go to church? What about Sunday night? Do I have to give an offering? How much? Am I required to open doors for old people? So, we help people? We’re just nice to them? I can do that. We just kind of close our eyes and hum and get along with everyone. Oh, and then we pray, of course, right? But how long do we pray? When is it acceptable to pray? Can I talk to God like that? Do I have to pray out loud? Can we fellowship in the church building? What’s an acceptable amount of time each day to read my bible? Do I have to read the Old Testament? After all, it is the Old Testament. What is Christianity again? Is this a Holy book? Can I highlight or write in it? Do I wear leggings? Is 2 inches above the knee too much? Should I listen to Christian music? Can I have a tattoo? 

If you weren’t annoyed reading that, A) I’m surprised and B) you should be, because if you aren’t, contact me and I will continue that list of frequently asked questions until you are.

So. What does it look like? What is it supposed to be about? Can someone please, just condense this all into a “here’s how?”

Yes.

His name is Paul.

Check out 1 Timothy 6:11-21, will ya?

Here, we find him writing to his spiritual friend, Timothy. Earlier in this book we see Paul trying to convince Timothy to not fall into the temptation of the world and to not follow or be like the false teachers that were before him. All of these leaders were basically, (Lori Ann Version) using their authority to belittle and put down others, to make money, to serve their own self and to gain whatever temporary pleasure they could. In verse 11, Paul picks up by saying, “But as for you, O man of God…” So, in other words, Paul’s saying, “No way, don’t do that, don’t go that way. You are a man of God, you are a Christian – you are different than them. This is not who you are.”

“…Flee these things. Pursue righteousness, Godliness, faith, love, steadfastness, gentleness.” (v. 11)

Following God is not about fame. It is not about fortune or making a name for yourself. It’s not about doing the cool or trendy thing. It is not about worldly acceptance or being comfortable. It’s not about having 1,000 followers on Twitter or Instagram. It’s not about a debate or a political preference.

It’s about pursuing.

This is what you, as a Christian, are going to have to “be about.” Righteousness. This should be the core of your existence. With righteousness, the latter part of the verse will inevitably follow – Godliness, faith, love, steadfastness and gentleness. Godliness? Yeah, remain in awe of Who it is that gives you life. Faith? No doubt. Once you wrap your head around how huge God is, you’d be a fool to not put your trust in Him. Love? Serve people. Imitate and emanate Jesus. Steadfastness? Faithful. Consistent. Available. Always. Gentleness? Look people in the eye and say thank you. Be patient with the world and allow God to give you His eyes to see it through.

More than that, though:

“Fight the good fight of Faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called and about which you made the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.” (v. 12)

We have to fight. It’s a battle. It’s a race. We shouldn’t be dwelling on things that hold us back and limit us from reaching our true “Kingdom-work” potential. Maybe we’re asking the wrong questions, church. I don’t want to ignore or undermine the issues I mentioned previously, but I do want to run toward Jesus. I want to run toward Heaven. I can carry the weight of all of those unanswered questions, but is that really allowing me to pursue? To chase? I think we need to learn to live in a light of doing what we need to do to get intoHeaven, not necessarily what we need to be doing to stay out of hell. Life is a vapor. We don’t have time to let these things weigh us down in the way that they do. We know that life is temporary, it’s fleeting, and it will be over in a moment. What are you spending your time here doing?

The last “point” I want to make is pulled from verse 13 of 1 Timothy 6.

“I charge you in the presence of God, who gives life to all things, and to Jesus Christ, who in His testimony before Pontius Pilate made the good confession..” (v.13)

Okay, so that’s verse 13 and you’re probably thinking, “Great, Lori Ann, where’s the rest of it?” My response would be, “You don’t really have to look much further than that.” To be fair, I, too, when I first read this, was slightly confused. Paul could have finished that sentence in a number of compelling or reassuring ways, but instead he refers to the scene with Jesus and Pontius Pilot… Weird. Why? Let’s look at that.

In Matthew 27:11 we read,

“Now Jesus stood before the governor and he asked Him, ‘Are you the King of the Jews?’ Jesus replied, ‘You have said so.’ But when he was accused by the chief priests and elders, he gave no answer. Then Pilate said to Him, ‘Do you not hear how many things they testify against you?’ But He gave them no answer, not even to a single charge, so that the governor was greatly amazed.”

Wow. How beautiful is God? Not just when He speaks, but even when He doesn’t. This is such a huge thing for us to understand. Just because we follow this awesome Creator, doesn’t mean we have to have an opinion about every little thing that’s associated with Him. He does the talking – whether he uses words or not. We should not be a people who are quick to speak. Look at the ultimate example: even in the midst of accusations, in the midst of tireless questions and debate and being mocked, Jesus, Himself, said nothing. Nothing.

What we need to do is get a grip on Heaven. We have to seize Heaven. Talk about it, read about it and make it the reality that it is. It’s hard to be angry and bitter and upset about those small things when we’re so grateful, so focused on and so in love with who Jesus is.

Let’s all just learn to be like Him. Line yourself up with Scripture and know in your heart that God is so passionately pursuing you in every moment of every day. Run to Him. Maybe it’s not so much about finding the answers to questions, but more about pursuing the Answer himself.

Forever Companion

Don’t allow routine to cancer your bones. Learn to wake up and break the everyday cycles of life that you succumb to. When the days come that it seems like your lungs are homeless and are laboring to bring themselves back to a familiar place where the loneliness subsides, when it feels like your thoughts are running a marathon in the back of your mind, when it feels like your eyelids become like anchors,  when it feels like your soul is a weight that sits at the pit of your stomach — so heavy that you you’re drowning in all that you are… Whenever this happens, and let’s not pretend that it doesn’t, you have to recognize that normality can be blinding. You have to find the fireflies that hide in the darkest corners of your obscurity and capture them in mason jars. Hang them from the collar bones you work so hard to show, the strings of your heart that you always wear on your sleeve, or the concavity of your lips so that you have a forever companion with whom you can always find a light to guide you — to re-discover and explore yourself. Today, wipe that schedule of what’s always been known off of the chalkboard of your mind; rewind, recycle, and renew.

Dance Lightly On The Waves

I think it’s safe to say that if I grow to like you, it’s really only a matter of time before I want to pry my way into your thoughts — discover who you are in secret, know your most frequently visited memories and the holiday that you enjoy the least and what you wanted to be when you were seven-years-old. The desire to always know more will grow so great that I will unapologetically try to dive into the furthest corners of your mind. I will search for understanding the way the moonlight searches for a home on the sea.

Unfortunately, all its beams can do is dance lightly on the waves

Life Lessons In List Form

1. Flexibility and the ability to adapt and go with the flow is key. Being stubborn usually doesn’t do you any good. You really do limit and hinder your own opportunities when you refuse to grow or see things in a positive light. You can’t let one thing in your life decide your future, your past or your disposition. You shouldn’t.
2. Relationships, whether in friend form or romantic, will not prosper if either person concentrates more on him/herself than both people together. Compromise is vital as well as doing things in a way that will work out best for the both of you. It’s essential to find methods of communication that are effective for both parties.
3. However much weight the previously mentioned lesson may carry, it’s also pretty crucial to understand the necessity of sacrifice in small doses. This does not mean you have to chop off your arm or your leg for your partner or friend, nor does it mean you should consistently be putting everyone else’s needs before your own. It simply means that sometimes you have to know what’s most important to the other person and go a little bit out of your way to respect that. That said, it also means that the other person should do the same. Relationships are about the give and the take. And at the risk of being completely cheesy and cliché, The Beatles said it the best: “And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.”
4. Taking care of yourself and putting your basic physical and emotional needs first is always okay. There’s no reason to put someone else’s needs before yours at the expense of losing sight of your own wellbeing. You are not a bad person because you find importance in celebrating your health. You owe your entire existence to no one, and while it’s acceptable to give bits and pieces of yourself to others, there’s no reason to do something against your best interest or give up everything you’ve ever known for someone. Starting with self-improvement and self-love is a good thing. Then, you’ve already got a foot in the door when it comes to loving another.
5. Anyone who doesn’t want you or need you in their life just doesn’t want or need you in their life. You do not need to fish for a reason or an explanation – quit that. I know it hurts. But it’s really as simple as that. In the past year, I’ve lost more people than I’d care to mention. But I’m doing fine without them, and they’re doing fine without me. It’s a sad truth that isn’t fun to realize but if someone wants you in their life, you’ll be there, and if they don’t, you won’t. No manipulation or begging is necessary. That type of relationship will never be satisfactory in the long run. In fact, you should probably follow the same rule for yourself. Get rid of the hollow people you pour relentless amounts of effort into.
6. Flip side of that: keep people in your life who are positive and supportive, and not people who are greedy, negative, or hinder your growth as a person. Encouragement is such a beautiful and contagious thing. Surround yourself with people who make you want to pay it forward. Life is too short to be selfish.
7. Trusting people is not the worst thing in the world, and it’s okay to be vulnerable. However, the second that someone shows you they aren’t worthy of your trust, you owe them nothing. Does that mean you can’t give them a second chance? No. It does mean, though, that you don’t have to trust them with your words or your time or anything for that matter. And if you continue to do so over and over yet complain about it, that’s no one’s fault but yours. Recognize the authority you have over your life. You can say no.
8. This is huge. Take responsibility for your actions and the consequences that come on behalf of them. If you made a decision to say or do something, you don’t get to blame anybody else for what happened. Taking responsibility might make you feel bad or hopeless, but it can ultimately lead to good things. When you do this, people will view you as a reliable person who owns up to their mistakes and takes accountability for his/her own life.
9. With that, taking responsibility for things that you’ve done wrong in the past does not mean that you get to blame and beat yourself up. Blaming yourself as opposed to accepting that your life is in your control is merely counterproductive and can very easily lead to destructive habits.
10. A day is just a number. There is always something to learn before you lay your head on your pillow at night. If you’re going to let one thing dictate how you are for the rest of your life – don’t. It’s as simple as that. Whether it’s a college acceptance letter or a college rejection letter, a yes to a relationship status or an “I think we need to break up” talk, someone dying or someone being born. Whatever it is, don’t wallow in the seemingly hopeless situations you’ve been placed in the middle of — change them or change yourself. You have to learn to make your life enjoyable in spite of what surrounds you. In the end, you’re stuck with yourself. There’s no way around that. Whether you’re at a small private school in the middle of nowhere or Harvard University, alone at 60 years old or with an abundance of people who love you, working a dead-end job that you despise or doing what you love. It’s not about the roads you choose, the goals you set or even the destination. It’s all about how you walk it. Remember that.

Oh. And lastly, as long as you are willing to accept love in your life, it will be there somewhere for the taking.

My Broken Hallelujah

God, I trust you. No matter what happens in this life, I will look to You for contentment. Help me to gracefully let go of things that I’m incapable of changing. Remind me, every day, that You give me breath and You are the Lord of my life, therefore it belongs to You. Forgive me when I get caught up in making selfish plans for myself. Remind me that You have the entire course of my life planned out; it’s all in Your hands. I’m declaring that You are sovereign; that You have complete authority over my existence. Lead me. Help me to look to You for wisdom as I make choices — that they may be pure in heart. Make it known to me that whether something turns out for better or for worse, You are still the King of Kings, You are still the Prince of Peace and the one and only true God. With You breathing these truths over my life, I will continue to place my trust in You. Today and every day. Shut the doors You want shut and open the ones that You want opened. I’m raising my white flag; I will surrender everything that I am to You and to the best of my imperfect ability, I will lay my wants and needs aside. Help me to place all of the plans that I’ve made for myself at Your feet. I don’t want anything outside of Your will for my future. Purify me and make me whole. Restore unto me the joy of my salvation. Give me strength and courage to live a life of evangelism and urgency — the selfless life that you’ve called me to live. Make me bold in proclaiming Your Word and effective in doing so. You are the desire of my heart, God. Thank You for lavishing me with Your mercy and grace, and exposing me to true peace and joy in a  world that is filled with darkness and disappointment. Above all, thank You for saturating me in something so sustaining — Your love. I can’t wait to see You, face to face, in all of Your glory. 

Longing for Heaven today. Lord, come quickly.

Reminder

Try not to let the name of someone

you once loved

become a synonym for loss

Go, Live

1. Expect days to come that are rainy and sad and hopeless. You will have moments in time when you feel like life has nothing left to offer you and ending everything sounds like the best option possible. You’ll think about intentional car wrecks, poisoning your life, and other various ways to make life stand still for an infinite moment. Don’t. It will not be praised. It will not be beautiful. It will not be brave. It will not be selfless. It will shatter. Your family and your friends will never be the same.
2. Do not post pictures with the intent of a certain person seeing. Do not tweet for the sole purpose of receiving acceptance in the form of a ‘favorite’. Do not write for him. Write for yourself. Write for others who carry the same weight as you. Write in order to change the mind of those who are broken and view the world in a negative light. Be a difference maker; don’t be selfish.
3. Whenever the sporadic nights come that sleep doesn’t accompany you – it’s okay to get out of bed and be productive. Does it really matter that it’s 2:00 am? Statistically speaking, it looks like there will be other 2:00 am’s. Take a bath. Take two. Scrub the thoughts and the memories of him out of your hair. Journal your thoughts. Late night idiosyncratic thinking makes for the best creative writing. Re-read your favorite parts of your favorite book. Highlight them. Remaining restless in bed is dangerous for sad souls. Get up. Make coffee. Dance if you have to.
4. Do not text him because you’re lonely and all of your friends are eating dinner with their significant others. Do not kiss him because he’s broken and you’re broken and you want to “fix” something. Do not chase him just because he’s running. Don’t try and please him at the expense of his own heart. If you want to fix something, make it yourself. He can’t save you. You can’t save him.
5. Date yourself. Go bowling. Take yourself out to eat at your favorite restaurant. Order dessert. Leave your phone at home and go for a walk at the park. Take a stroll around an art museum alone. Find new hobbies and fall in love with open roads. Fall in love with yourself. It is okay to do that.
6. Do not let society tell you that you can’t dress yourself up and wear bright red lipstick and be crazy with your friends. They’re the ones that know you’ll slip up and be right there behind you to catch you when you do. Friends are so beautiful. Again, don’t kiss him. Or him. He can’t save you. Look pretty, feel pretty, be pretty. (That’s totally an internal note, too.)
7. Go get another piercing if that’s your thing. Get three more. Don’t listen to your dad’s opinion. (Unless he says he isn’t going to pay your tuition anymore, then you should probably listen.) You’re still going to be able to get a job. You live in your body; you have to learn to love it. Do what it takes to get to that point. Don’t beat it and bruise it into shape. Much like wearing your darkest thoughts on your sleeves, a beaten down body isn’t very beautiful, either.
8. Don’t be afraid of change. The second you feel the yearning for a new city, a change of scenery – go. Whether it’s to the dock by your favorite lighthouse, the playground at the park you grew up going to, or flying to another side of the globe to live in a foreign country for a summer. Your body needs the adventure. Always. Take 200 bucks and a suitcase to the beach because, well, why not? Meet strange people and enjoy the company of people you’ll never see again. Fulfilling your hearts desires and chasing after escapades is so important. It’s okay to go for the sake of going. Plans are overrated.
9. Do not whisper dishonorable, false, or vile things into your own ear. You can already rely on social media and society to shout them at you and beat them into your fragile, vulnerable souls. Be a hero. Your own hero. Keep positive thoughts on hand, good vibes in the heart, and happy smiles on your face.
10. Just don’t do it. Don’t think about wrecking your world, drinking your fate, or suffocating your joy. It will not be beautiful. Breathe. It’s going to be okay. Stay up all night with a cute boy that promises you lots of pretty thoughts. Breathe. Try out all of your local coffee shops with a friend. Cook yourself breakfast for dinner — I don’t know. Make yourself happy. You know what that looks like. Wear that dress you think hugs your hips a little too tight. No one is going to care if you’re confident. It’s not always poetic to be sad. You can have the neatest, most composed and well-organized thoughts, but if they carry negative weight, your chains are going to win. There’s no beauty there. Break free. Do something differently. Go, live.

You Love, That's What You Do

Trying to start over again can be a really, really hard and frustrating thing to do sometimes. Not necessarily due to the fact that it may or may not be avoidable, but that either way, it’s a true inconvenience 78% of the time. You sit around your room and you cry a lot… You either eat way too much or not nearly enough. You spend a lot of time by yourself. You stare at everything — the back of your hands, the scars you painted on your thighs and that unwanted part of your stomach that never seems to go away. You find yourself sitting criss-cross applesauce in front of the mirror (not in the conceited way, of course) while you try to figure out what exactly went wrong. Really far-fetched questions come to mind like, “Was it something that I did? Could I have prevented this exact moment from happening if I had done just one single thing a little bit differently than normal?” You have these silly conversations in your head like you’re actually capable of figuring life out in your solitude. You fuel the fire by spending too much time looking at old photos and “accidentally” running into all of the memory-filled places. You spend an unusual amount of time getting caught up in the way that you look and the way that you act — all in the interest of trying to figure out how to be different and to still like yourself because suddenly, you’re no longer wanted the way you that used to be. You try to flirt with new people and new ideas, carrying on useless small talk just to know you’re still capable of receiving the slightest amount of attention. You either get caught up in the past or you worry too much about the future and how things aren’t going the way you had hoped they would, and all of a sudden, you are 20 going on 35 and you’re right back to being in the same roller-coaster emotional state you were in at 18. As your years start to pass by you faster and faster, as the months end and a new one begins, how are you supposed to start over again when each time seems to get a little bit harder than the last?

You wake up every day and you preach to yourself. You love God, you love other people, and you give yourself the credit that your huge heart deserves. You know that bad days are undoubtedly going to come, but you get out of bed and tackle them anyway. You get out of your comfort zone — everyone is your friend. You smile a little bit bigger, even when it’s hard and you always, always, always appreciate yourself. Know that at the end of the day, you’re the one who carries the weight of your body, the weight of your heart, and the weight of your circumstances. That’s impressive. You’re a survivor. Each day that you wake up is a victory that should be celebrated, never wasted.

Don’t let one person or one situation determine the direction of your life. Let God dance and breathe Truth over you, filling you with life and light and guidance. Your identity is in Him — the God of this Universe — not in the flesh or anything of the world.

Love God. Love people. Love yourself.

The rest will follow. And even though there may be pain in the night, we can know that joy comes in the morning.

Only The Bandage

1. I enjoy the imperfect parts of people
much more than I like the ordinary parts of them.

2. No shirt of mine is ever worn
unless my heart is on its sleeve.

3. I am usually a walking cliche,
full of good intentions, tired,
surprisingly deep, and annoyingly cheesy,

4. You are good at saying goodbye quickly,
making up your own lyrics to songs, and having a book full of to-do lists,

5. I am good at loving people
far too much, getting lost in
Books-A-Million,
and never catching up with my train of thought.

6. I suppose it’s okay that we don’t always see eye to eye,
I am infatuated by the idea that there are parts of you I
could never perfectly fit into. You always had a way
of making me try, though.

7. This life is full of broken, unfair and unjust things,
my dear, we are just walking around,
on and through the shards of this world,

our love is only the bandage

More Of You

Getting to know people and liking them isn’t always about knowing specific truths like where they’re from, when their birthday is, or what their favorite colors are. It should never be about the clothing brands that they wear or which hobby that they excelled in in high school. It’s all about the way they laugh out loud, if they carry themselves differently at night time, if they crinkle their nose when they smile, or if they cut their sandwiches in halves or triangles. Maybe we’re forgetting that appreciating a person has a lot more to do with just taking comfort in their nuances. What if it’s about whether or not they still blow on dandelions to make wishes or if they twirl their hair around when they’re nervous. Maybe it’s the manner in which they explain things; if they communicate with their hands or if they just talk faster when they’re frustrated — maybe it’s the spontaneous dance they break out into in the kitchen while they clean the dishes or the seven different moods they cycle through and why. I think it’s essential to know that the things that you can only see in a person once you’ve really gotten a glimpse of their soul mean a whole lot more than the things you’re simply just expected to like.

Sometimes the little idiosyncrasies that seem so insignificant on the surface, that you can only catch in passing, when you accidentally look or happen to see them being unmistakably themselves are the ones that pull you in and leave you wanting more of a person. I want more of you.

Human

The sad truth is that we’re all scarred and shaped in ways that the people who sit next to us in class or stand behind us in the line at the water fountain could never comprehend. It’s not even because our circumstances or our issues are unique, but because we as individuals are. However, just because we can recognize our differences, physical or not — it doesn’t mean you get to build up a throne for yourself on the top of some social chart or ignore the ones who have seemingly suffered more or accomplished less than you. 

You are a human, I am a human, and we are (should be) very capable of compassion and empathy: let’s act like it

The Holy Spirit

I absolutely love when I read a scripture that I’ve read 100 times, but for some reason understand and view it in a new light. I’m going to start by saying that I love Ephesians, but in particularly, chapter 3.

I think we so often hear “The Holy Spirit” and try to avoid the conversation all together. We hear a lot of sermons about God, we hear a lot of sermons about Jesus, we hear a lot about His love, His life, His grace, and His pursuit of us, but why do we try and dance around the subject of the Holy Spirit? Sure, it’s not an easy subject to discuss, but it’s certainly an empowering one. I really pray that wherever I take this blog, that it makes sense, and that together we can see the importance of not just the power of the Holy Spirit, but the abilities we possess because of it.

The few times that I’ve heard sermons about the Holy Spirit or tried to study it for myself, the common denominator is usually the idea of receiving power. The Holy Spirit will help you do this. It will help you do that. It will change this life or that life, and it will guide, guard and direct your life. All of which are true, but this morning as I was reading Ephesians 3:14-20, I think something else dawned on me.

 “For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.” Ephesians 3:14-19 (NIV)

These verses are very much about the power of the Holy Spirit, but I think that the times that I’ve read this previously, I’ve missed such a huge portion of what Paul is trying to show us. So while we recognize the importance of Christ dwelling in our hearts, and we understand that the Holy Spirit enables us to see the love of God, we can’t forget the importance of being filled. Not just filled, but filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. I don’t know about you, but there are some people in my life that I look up to spiritually that are just so full of wisdom, and knowledge, and love, and Jesus, that it literally is an overflow of their actions and their life. I want that. I want to be full of the fullness of God. No one wants to live an empty life, so why do we find contentment in idleness? Why are we not yearning to be filled with the Holy Spirit or with the goodness of God?

I think all to often we (and by we, I’m solely referring to myself and my own actions in hopes that I’m not alone in this) forget the heart of the problems that we face and just try to deal with all of the outcomes and the results. I don’t think we understand just how much we have in Jesus Christ. Do you understand who it is that loves you? Do you understand how much He loves you? I think if we truly got that, we would stop looking at all of our stuff, and our problems, and our circumstances and we’d know what it meant to be so full of the fullness of God. We’d understand what it meant to “go sell all of our possessions” because I think we’d want to. We would be so full, that we would want that love of God so much more than any other thing.

I think I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the problem is that we don’t really grasp how great God is. Much like it talks about in chapter 3 of Ephesians, we don’t understand the depth of God’s love; how wide it is, how vast, how deep, how long, and high. That’s a problem, you guys. We kind of get it, and I think because of that, we kind offollow it. I think if we really understood, it would change us. So I don’t think that when Paul was writing this he was referring to a physical healing or some sort of super natural empowerment, but just an understanding of the love of God that reached the core of his being. Paul prayed for this because he knew that there was nothing he could do physically to make this happen, but instead, he knew that it was something greater. Notice how he bowed to pray. He got on his knees. He humbled himself and he recognized the greatness and the power of God. I’m actually not going to discuss getting on your knees while praying (that’s a whole blog in and of itself), but if you haven’t done that, I would recommend that you try. I think it’s scriptural, I think it’s effective, and I think it’s humbling.

Anyways, back to the Holy Spirit and being full of the fullness of God. There are a lot of things that we need to be aware of and that contribute to the success of this passage, but one thing seems to be the most significant. We have to learn to fall in love with Jesus. We have to want Him and love Him more than anything else — more than our moms, our dads, our family, our friendships, and our stuff. We have to, not just read about the love of God, but comprehend and appreciate the fact the He “so loves” us. So much so that He sacrificed His Son for us. You guys, Jesus left His glory in Heaven to take our place on Calvary. If that alone doesn’t bring you to your knees, maybe you need to reevaluate your definition of love. Having this knowledge of how much God loves us, involuntarily involves falling in love with Jesus. You just can’t help it after that. We see the depth of His love and sin suddenly doesn’t seem so entertaining anymore. It doesn’t satisfy like Jesus does. We give up our wants and our needs, and we surrender our lives to the One who gave it all to us in the first place.

Between you and God, are you sure that Jesus Christ is crazy about you? I know that for me, I’ve been reminded of that my whole life, but to be honest, it’s something that I go in and out of. I forget how much He loves me. I forget how much He wants me. I see my faith as something that I have to earn, and because of that I let the fact that Jesus is madly in love with me slip through. So I ask myself the same question I just asked you. Am I positive that Jesus Christ loves me endlessly?

How much do we think God the Father loves His Son? I think we would all agree that that’s a perfect love, right? Okay, now, how many times do we see movies or read books, and jokingly say, “I just want someone to love me this way, or that way” or we see a couple that we envy their relationship and we think to ourselves, “If only someone would love me like that”? Do me a favor and read this out loud.

“Just as the Father has loved me [Jesus], so have I loved you.” John 15:9

Someone does. Someone is pursuing you today. Someone loves you more than you can fathom. Someone was willing to take your place on a cross. Someone loves you and that someone is Jesus.

I know that’s an incomprehensible love — we can’t just know something like that, but this is where the Holy Spirit comes in! We can be reminded of this love daily because we can be filled with it. We can be full of it. Until we recognize the importance of understanding the love of God, and the value that the Holy Spirit has in our lives, we won’t be filled with the fullness of God.

So to end this, I’ll just say that Jesus is madly in love with you. He wants your heart, He wants your love, He wants your life, and He wants to fill you up with His Spirit. Let him.

An Ever Wandering Soul

I try to convince myself

that someone new

will come along

and love you lighter

than I did

maybe leave a bruise

instead of a

broken rib cage,

while I was a punch to the chest

that knocked the certainty

out of you

maybe

what you needed

was a softer blow —

a whole lot less

to commit to than

consistent zeal and

an ever wandering soul,

a weight off of your chest

instead of a heavy head

making a home of it

And He Went Out, Not Knowing Where He Was Going

A bible verse that I find myself praying a lot is Psalm 143:8-10. It’s such an honest verse, and I resonate with it in so many different ways. It says, “Let me hear You in the morning of Your steadfast love, for in You I trust. Make me know the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul. Deliver me from my enemies, O Lord! I have fled to You for refuge. Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God! Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.” That’s so beautiful to me, and I hope that’s your prayer today!

Okay. The text I really want to work with today comes from Hebrews. This is where I plan (notice I said plan) on letting my blog thoughts come from. Hebrews 11:8 says, “By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to a place that he was to receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going.” For the sake of staying tuned in to what I have to say, read that verse one more time and keep it in mind!

I know I’m tossing out a lot of scripture, but I’ve been so busy this week (not a good enough excuse) that I honestly haven’t made time to read much, so this is my way of catching up, I guess. Also, like I said, I promise I have a central point for this blog. Maybe. You can be the judge of that.

Every one knows the verse Jeremiah 29:11. We quote it, doodle it on our notebooks at school, we decoratively hang it on our walls at home, and we love it. We think, “Yeah! God’s got a plan for me! It’s okay if I don’t know what’s going to happen in the next few years, because hey, God has a plan!” That’s great. It’s also true. But let me tell you, if you haven’t heard it already, there is so much more to it than that.

God’s will. Plans. Isn’t it strange how much weight such small words carry? “How can we know God’s will? How do we know what God wants us to do with our lives? How can we know what to say? How can we know that God is speaking to us?” Well. If you ever read my blog after I got home from my Panama trip last summer, you know these are all questions I’ve asked, and frankly, struggled with. I’d say over the last year, though, that God’s been doing a work on my heart, and slowly revealing the answers to me. So, I’ll start by saying, the most important thing is to hear and listen to God’s voice. Yes, it seems simple. Yes, it’s also a hard thing to grasp your head around and understand, too. Trust me, I know.

Before you think that I’m just vomiting scriptural words onto a blank page, hear me out. We all know that communication is key. In any kind of relationship, it’s huge. Always. If we aren’t careful, we can read something out of context or in the wrong tone. We can take something the wrong way, or we can get an entirely different and irrelevant message. To try and make this a little more understandable, I remember a teacher that I had in 2nd grade who would literally whisper when she talked. I’m pretty sure it was just her tactic to get everyone around her to stop talking and to listen. At the end of class, she would whisper the homework assignments so that anyone who wasn’t listening, would not get the assignment and would get a zero on it. We hated her for it then, but looking back on it, I don’t think there was a more effective way of getting us to listen. Who knew whispering would do the trick? Whispering made us listen.

1 Kings 19 says that God had a "still" voice. It said that God whispered. What? I wonder if He, like my 2nd grade teacher, has a quiet voice so that we’ll stop talking sometimes and listen to what He has to say. As anyone can understand, if someone is whispering something to us, we know that we have to be close enough to hear him or her. God doesn’t yell. He doesn’t scream or shout. Yeah, I guess you can be far from God and still hear him, but His voice is a quiet voice. That presents two outcomes for us. Hearing God whisper, in my life, has either drawn me closer to Him, or frustrated me enough to where I didn’t want to hear Him at all. In my lifetime, I’ve learned that God does whisper. And if I want to hear him, I just have to shut up and listen. 

John 10. We know that this tells us that we are the sheep and Jesus is our Shepherd. That analogy in and of itself makes sense. However, to make the picture a little bit brighter, I heard a sermon one time about this text and it really kind of blew my mind. The preacher talked about how and why we’re compared to sheep. Of all the animals, sheep. He went on to discuss how sheep were, to put it simply, the dumbest animals. Due to their failure to act independently, they are unable to function well at all. I don’t think Jesus is trying to tell us that we’re ignorant here, but instead, that we can’t go anywhere and survive without Him. So, yeah, Jesus compared us to sheep. He leads us so that if we follow Him, we’re remain safe and secure. You’re thinking, “Lori Ann, you can’t see Jesus, how are you supposed to follow Him? What I’m saying is that because I can’t see him, if I want to follow Jesus, I have to listen. Listen to His voice. Listen to His word. I know in my life, much like it may be in yours, it’s so hard for me to hear from God sometimes. I think, “God, what’s your plan for my life? What do I need to be doing right now?” So many times God put me in places, and situations, and relationships that I thought I had no business being in. So often I thought things like, “God called my parents to move to Houston, not me.” “What’s the plan God? What are you doing in my life right now? This is hard. I don’t like this. I don’t like this at all.” But I’ll tell you what I learned during those times and what I found to be true. In the hardest parts of life, whenever you feel like you don’t hear God, don’t run. Get closer. Sit at the foot of the Cross and just listen.

In my life I’ve learned a lot of hard lessons — most of which I brought on myself.  I always wanted to know every little thing. I wanted answers. I wanted to know why. I wanted to know where. I wanted to know who. These last few years, God has been pouring a divine plan over me, and I’ve learned to just bathe in it. I’ve learned to not question, to not wait for a “plan”, to just sit and listen. God will speak to you and give you directions before He gives you details. We aren’t supposed to understand every little thing all of the time. Just keep following, and keep trusting. Just like Abraham did, we have to go without knowing where. (Look, you guys! I did it! I brought it all back together.)

Quit looking for details, stop asking for plans, but instead, search for a person. Search for Jesus, right here and right now, and He will give you a direction in life. He may not give you plans, He may not give you answers, He may not even give you tomorrow, but He will give you a peace that surpasses all understanding. The will of God has so much more to do with a person and purpose than it does a “plan for your life.”

God isn’t giving me plans right now. He didn’t give me a call to go to Freed Hardeman. He didn’t give me a desire to leave my comfort zone and live in Nicaragua to serve His people for two months. He gave me a person. A person to run after, a person to act like, a person to pursue. It’s not a plan, you guys. It’s Jesus. Jesus is the will of God. 

Matthew 6:31 – Quit worrying. God knows your needs. Look to serve. Seek the Kingdom.

Spiritual Scented Febreze

Isn’t the concept of cleaning up your house before guests come over so odd?

It’s total chaos. We frantically try to deep clean the nooks and crannies of our houses, that in reality, have probably never seen the end of a duster or a mop before. We push wrappers under couches (well if you’re Lori Ann, you do), we shove dirty dishes in cabinets, and we throw whatever’s left in the closets. You know exactly what I’m talking about, too… "If it’s out of sight, it’s in play!", right?

Okay, sure, common curtesy. But why? We all do it. It’s so strange to me that we all, collectively, universally, pretend that we have everything together, all of the time, and make it seem like our houses always smell like vanilla bean (or, insert favorite scent here) candles. I think it’s safe to say, at least for the Mitchell household (thanks to Seth and me), that our house is a wreck 96.3% of the time, but whenever guests come over, we have to act like we have it all figured out, and give off the impression that we always have a clean place. Side note: If you know my dad, you best believe there isn’t going to be an ounce of dust, dirt, dog hair, etc. anywhere. And I mean anywhere. Personally, I say we all just come to the honest conclusion that deep cleaning a house is entirely unnecessary for half a day’s worth of company. Yeah?

“Okay, yeah, Lori Ann, that’s not so spiritual (or funny)… I read your blog to feel uplifted and encouraged, not to hear your personal opinion on house cleaning.”

Alright, alright, sorry. Either tell me I’m funny (cause I am) or tell me this… Have we not done that with God? Have we not shoved our dirty secrets into closets? Have we not tried to hide our unclean thoughts under pretty, vacuumed mental and emotional rugs? If we know anything about The Lord and His sovereignty, we know that He sees those things. He sees everything. The closets, the corners, the cabinets. He made them, and He knows what’s in them. So why are we always so busy? Why are we always trying to clean up for God? We seriously think that stuffing things away will help God love us. God doesn’t need our act. He doesn’t need us to spray Spiritual Scented Febreze all over our sin. He sees. He knows. And He’s still here to stay.

No amount of cleaning up your spiritual messes will make God love you any more or any less. Today, I hope that you’ll open your heart to God and realize that He does the cleaning for you. You just gotta hand over the tools to let Him do it.

It Makes Me Want To Buy Two Cups

It’s the way the notes to my favorite slow song make my heart hurt in the best way. It’s the way the grass on the side of the road dances to the summer breeze and reminds me that it’s a beautiful thing to be free spirited. It’s the way the stars shine so bright in the sky on the very nights that I need to just look up. It’s the way the waves that crash on the shore in front of me feel when they unexpectedly reach my toes. It’s the way falling on my bed after a long day of working with kids who sleep on dirt reminds me of the blessings I’ve been given. It’s the way the innocence that sits on the face of the little boy who sells lemonade on the corner of the street makes me want to buy two cups. It’s the sound of rain falling to the ground when I need to shut my eyes. It’s the dreams I have at night that make me wish they were real. It’s the way fireworks light up a dark sky and effortlessly put a childish grin on my face. It’s the small things that I see every day that make me feel alive. Thankful for life today.

Pray Without Ceasing

Before I came to Nicaragua, I was always curious to see which parts of my spiritual life would grow. I thought surely it would be something like my faith, my attitude, knowledge, or my devotion. While all of those things are important and are certainly being challenged while I’m here, the one thingI’ve found to increase abundantly is my prayer life. I haven’t exactly figured out why that is, but I have discovered the importance of it. It’s changed the way I view my days and my circumstances, and I truly find myself praying so, so much more.

Throughout my time here so far, “Pray without ceasing.” -1 Thessalonians 5:17, has been a go-to for me. When I used to hear this verse, I would almost over look it. Who actuallyprays without ceasing? I sure don’t. So, what are we supposed to get from this passage? What does this mean?

I think being here and watching this aspect of my spiritual life grow, I’ve seen this verse in a different light. I think that it means if there were to be a common thread that should run through the life of every Christian each day, it should absolutely be prayer. Does that mean you refuse to speak to anyone else throughout your day or that you drive down the road with your eyes closed and ask God in the words of Carrie Underwood, “Jesus, take the wheel”? No, please do not do that. However, it does mean that you should always be ready and always be willing to go before God with anything and everything. Nothing we face is too small or too big for God to care about. He created you, He knew you before you even knew yourself, so why would He not care about you or the things that you take to Him in prayer? You should bathe your life in prayer. You should pray for wisdom, you should pray for peace, and you should pray for patience. Pray not only for circumstantial things, but for all aspects of your life. Pray for your future spouse, pray for your future career, pray for your health, and for the children that God may eventually bless you with. Pray for the people that surround you and their needs, too. Even when a situation may seem hopeless, God is always going to listen and He’ll carry you through it. We have to learn to give every person and every thing in our life to God in prayer — There is no safer place to put your trust than in the hands of God, your Maker.

Talk to Him today, and enjoy the peace and joy that he as in store for you!

Your Time Is In His Hands

As I was sitting in my hammock today while it was raining, trying to finish a book that I had started months ago, an old friend messaged me on Facebook and asked, “How can I know that I’m in the center of God’s will, and why do I feel like every step I take is in the wrong direction?”

To her and to whomever else has feelings or thoughts alike,

I don’t know. I honestly don’t know how we can fully know what being in the center of God’s will looks or feels like. However, I do know that the only thing you will ever rest in is in the promises that God has given you through scripture. Nothing else is going to be eternally satisfying. Everything in this life is fleeting. Clothes, money, relationships, school — everything. God and his Kingdom are forever, eternal, and they’re the only thing that will stand through the ages and NOT be shaken. Because of His sacrifices, you live IN those promises. You can’t be shaken by the troubles of this world, or by the uncertainty of what tomorrow holds. You can’t be shaken when Satan is prowling ready to attack. You can’t be shaken when all of your plans seem to crumble before you. Your identity is in The God of this universe and He lifts you up. He gives water in scorched lands. He heals brokenness. He makes beauty out of messes. He restores in you the joy of your salvation. You just have to trust that He’s guiding your footsteps. If you are going through something difficult… God’s got this. He is in complete control of whatever it is. Sometimes we think that God is in heaven with his fingers in His ears ignoring our prayers, but He is not. He hears you. This may just be His way of making you become completely reliant on His timing and His judgement. Just hold on. Our God is so faithful and He is closer than you may think right now. Rest in that.

Maybe that’s you tonight. If so, just be patient. Maybe these are the times that you just need to stop thinking, stop trying to figure it all out on your own, stop over analyzing it, and stop trying to look for all of the answers. When you don’t see the answer in the natural realm, you know it’s probably time to stop leaning on your own knowledge and lean on God’s. You can’t do this all by yourself and you certainly can’t do it over night. Sometimes I think our very own thoughts are our worst enemy. You can’t let fear and dread distract you from what God is trying to speak to your heart. I think that’s why the verse says we can’t lean on our own understanding — sometimes I truly think that only God understands… We have to take the time to shut off our fear and our worries and our distractions and listen to what He is trying to tell us. This is when faith rises up. This is when, all of a sudden, you’ll feel a moment of hope even when things seem impossible. Purpose doesn’t come from the promise of a future or knowing that you are in the center of God’s will. It’s trusting that Jesus is enough during the times that you don’t.

Psalm 31:14-15
…Your time is in His hands.

Hollow

I used to count all of the things

that I didn’t do as positive traits of mine

I never swore I never got drunk

I never did this I never did that

never never never

but recently I’ve realized that

priding myself in my nothings

made me feel pretty

hollow

I am so much more

than what I am not

I should be proud

of the things that I am brave

enough to see and do

and that should speak for itself